Stuff Vegetarians Like

Fake Meat
Deep down inside, the vegetarian loves the sound of eating chicken and beef. Why not just eat the real thing? Deep fried soy paste does not taste the same as the flesh of an animal. No matter how hard you try.

Fish
90% of vegetarians I talk to say they eat fish. Well then you're not a fucking vegetarian.

Taking a Long Time To Order From a Menu
Vegetarians have to take as long as they can to order food when dining at a restaurant that caters to everyone. The entire table is ready to order their delicious Rack of Lamb and the "vegetarian", who we all know is just going to get the Baby Green Salad, is complaining about how there is nothing on the menu to eat. Get the Chicken Wings, wash off all the flavor with your water, and pretend its soy. How about that for a change?

Judging Meat Eaters
Just because we eat calf doesn't mean we worship a golden one. Vegetarians look down on the meat eater as if we are some kind of abomination of hipster bohemian society. In their eyes, carnivores spawned in the depths of hell and came to earth to destroy all that is good, cute, and furry.
**On a side note, why is it that carnivorous dinosaurs are made to look like the bad guys in movies? If you had big sharp teeth and an empty stomach, wouldn't a juicy triceratops look tasty to you too?**
It the circle of life really. A farmer grows corn, cuts it from the stalk, dries it, and feeds it to chickens. When the chicken is nice a plump, the farmer uses a sharpened device to sever the chickens head, drain its blood and insides, and strip it of its feathers. Then the meat of the bird is battered and fried to be served over my waffle for me to eat.

Responding to Blogs About Vegetarians
Bring it on.

Stuff Depressed People Like

Razor Blades
Just a though.

Dark Clouds
"That one over there looks like my blackened soul."

Brunch
It isn't breakfast. It isn't lunch. It's alone. All alone.

Any Movie With John Cusack In It
There is always a scene with him in the rain.

Other Depressed People
Person: "What are you doing?"
Other: "...Nothing."
Person: *sigh* "...yeah..."
Other: "...Let's get brunch"

Stuff Racist People Like

Literature That Supports Their Beliefs

Mein Kampf, Uncle Tom's Cabin, The Turner Diaries. As long as it can be used as an "intelligible" source of proof, racists love it. Pointing to a novel as proof that blacks are stupid or Jews are stealing money does two things for a racist, one it shows that they are smart because they can read, and two, it makes them invulnerable to accusation, because they are just telling you about someone else's opinions.  

White Bed Sheets

Think about it...

Sprinkling in Racist Dribble in Everyday Conversation

"Well what do you expect from Mexico?" "So I saw this really scary black guy earlier today." "I don't really wanna go to Chinese food, there might be a dog or something in their chow mein."

Stuff People Who Date Eddie Murphy Like

Partying all the Time

Eddie Murphy doesn't really like that she parties all the time, but, what is he to do??

Stuff Middle-age Men Like

Living Beyond Their Means

Fast cars, expensive toys. That's exactly what 20 years of establishing good credit is for. 

Young Women

It's like when you go home with a woman and you wake up the next day and realize that she is ugly. Except this time the woman is your wife, and the next day is 10 years later. 

Ray Bans

Nothing takes the focus off graying hair and says "I'm young" like some stylish sunglasses like Joel wears. 

Changing Careers

Finally telling your boss to fuck off. Now it's time for an unpaid internship at a design firm... all you have to do is learn Maya, Photoshop, Corel, and Quark first. 

Stuff David Hasselhoff Likes

Beer

It's not an addiction, just something he likes to drink. Daily. All-daily.

 

Cheese Burgers

He could eat them anywhere. 

Youtube

Got him a job on America's Got Talent. Bitch. 

Stuff Redneck People Like

Although Jeff Foxworthy has done his part to cover this subject, we'll add a few more observations.

Confederate Flags 

A subtle way to tell everyone, "I still don't like black people."

The Second Amendment 

Good for protection against thieves (a.k.a. minorities). And no it's not a phallic symbol that compensates for low self esteem... You're just jealous you don't have one as powerful. 

Trucks

This is linked to not liking the environment.

Welfare 

Too bad they hate democrats. 

Stuff Vikings Like

Raping

When you're depriving a city of all their natural resources, and you meet a nice woman, it seems logical to just take her too. 

Pillaging

Really just anything taken by force.

Sailing

Viking 1: Set an open course, to the virgin sea. 

Viking 2: Maybe we'll find some virgins.

Viking 1: Yeah... And fuck 'em.

Longship with 80 Vikings aboard: Yeah!

Viking 2: Boosh. 

Other Vikings

It's not often you see Vikings hanging out with Starbucks Baristas. 

Braiding Beards

Intimidating when coupled with an ax. 

Stuff Illiterate People Like

Pictures on Menus

It's easier just to point at what you want to eat.

Monosyllabic words

Yes, they good. (However, illiterate people do not like the word monosyllabic)

Symbols 

Great.

 Fuck. 

Stuff Drowning People Like

Oxygen

But not when combined with Hydrogen. Oh yeah, it's an atom joke.

Life Savers

Yum.

Courageous Dolphins 

Unlike a life guard they wont ask for thanks. Fuck life guards. 

Buoyant Objects

Your drowning ass better hope that Fnet is a negative number. 

Stuff Internet Predators Like

AIM chat rooms

Hornysexywoman6128: I'm lonely....

Internetpredator: Perfect.

Abbreviating 

"ASL?" "PAW" "Pix?" "IWSN!!" "Wanna be FBs?"

Abbreviating cuts through the getting-to-know-each-other phase of the conversation, and gets right to the, wanna-meet-up-and-fuck part of the conversation. 

Anonymity 

Internetpredator: Just call me Robert. 

Stuff Migrant Workers Like

Gloves

It's important to protect your hands. After all, a man once said, "A man is not paid for having hands, but for using them." And the migrant workers didn't understand him.

Straw Hats

Spending most of your day outside, you need some kind of protection from UV rays. And umbrellas, although highly effective, slow progress in your back yard. 

White People Deciding They Need to Fix Up the House

Helloooooo $60. 

Mustaches 

A status symbol. Like Tom Selleck it says, "I'm a man." On a side note, if your BMI is less than 20, and you have a mustache, it says, "I'm in a man."

Home Depot Parking Lots

Fact: The average migrant worker spends over 2/3 of their life in a Home Depot parking lot.

Fact: When migrant workers start getting college degrees white people are gonna be screwed. 

Stuff Child Molesters Like

Play Grounds

A great place to make friends... good friends. Even if by force.

Sharing Candy

Sharing is caring. If I care enough to share my candy, you should care enough to share yourself.

White GMC Vans

Fast, unrecognizable, and it can fit a bed and a video camera in the back. What's not to like?

Public Pool Showers

Society doesn't have enough places where men and boys can get together and be naked.

Keeping Secrets

No one would understand your secret anyway.